6/1/11

i have to admit right now that im having mixed feelings about this blog. not being someone used to being transparent about myself (read: hyper-sensitive about privacy and extremely secretive) it gives me unbelievable discomfort to have something so private become public. discomfort... thats not honest. it makes me incredibly insecure. ew, the taste that word leaves in my mouth...

anyway...

today has been fairly stable. i have been exhausted all day, but i woke up a little before five with the guilt thing. it took all my focus to fight it off, but a few insecurities snuck by. alone, alone, alone, it rattles around my brain with persistence... alone, fat, spineless, blah blah blah. i started focusing on movies instead. horror movies. best action sequences. finding a second job. moving. fighting the shit off, refusing to cry or get mad or dwell. i dozed off again around 5:30. it was the first time in months ive been able to do that. i even managed to avoid an anxiety attack. it was a good day.